Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Family Problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar & drinking Shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother-in-law and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.'

The Indian fainted...........

IT HR Process

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told... ... ... .... .... .... "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

LOVE STORY OF ENGINEER

I was in 12th
she was in 12th

I got B.Tech
She got BCA

I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA

I was preparing 4 M.TECH enterance
She got married

I m doing M.TECH
She's d mother of 2 children

I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st std.

I became DOCTRATE
Her daughter passed 10th,

I have joined job.
Her daughter joined college.

The greatest irony-
Today is my ENGAGMENT & her daughter is my FIANCEE.

Ultimate Interview Questions

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....
No one will GET second chance to impress....

Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ...

Question 1:

What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"


Question 2:

Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant Girl ?

- I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.


Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked


Question 3:

He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?


Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea" and got selected.


You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.


(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U -alphabet) Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet), Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Question 4:

Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?

People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mithila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...

But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura. In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.


So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!


Question 5:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:


-- An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

-- An old friend who once saved your life.

-- The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.


* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again...


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:


"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 6:

The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."


Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness.

This is what Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....

"THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX"

-

Mahi